Memories
Memories/Growing Old
Memories
The simple act of handing someone a flower can stick in your memory like glue. All throughout my childhood, we had a variety of rose bushes growing in our yard. Often my dad would pick one and bring it to my mom or to one of us girls. Those times that my dad would bring in a rose especially for me always made me feel special.
Last spring my husband, Bryce, took our daughter, Violet, to her first Father/Daughter dance. He thought ahead of what would be a great memory for her and he picked out a pink rose, her favorite color, for their special night. Because she sees that I save all of the flowers, to photograph, she asked me to photograph her rose.
This is the importance of love and making memories.
Getting her hands dirty!
Getting her hands dirty!
My little girl is the cutest little girl who loves pink, princesses, pink, mermaids, twirling as she walks, pink, and anything that can be considered girly. She is also the girl who will willingly covers her hands AND feet with paint to make art, makes mud pies, and can build and plant a garden with the best of them.
At the start of the pandemic, Violet decided that she wanted to build her own space for a garden. She picked out the place and cleared it on her own, we then built the wall together and filled it up with fresh soil. She lovingly planted the seeds while each day she would go out to water, and check on her plants. Outside time was one of the things that kept us going at the beginning of the pandemic. That feeling of having your hands in the soil just really connects you with the earth and it gives a wonderful freeing feeling of not being on a computer all day.
These are her little hands, holding the delicate white flowers, covered in dirt while we explored the outdoors while we were camping. I love these extremes and that all of these different personalities are wrapped up in one feisty little girl! It is such a wonderful thing to know that she, and any of the rest of us, can love being more than one type of person!
No Place Like Home
No Place Like Home
Dorothy, from The Wizard of Oz, said it right, there truly is no place like home. I have been thinking a lot about home since the loss of my mom.
The other day I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, in each episode, I find something new that I learn or even just something that I truly enjoy and have that moment of, yes! In one of the recent episodes, they were discussing the theme of Home. What is home, what makes us feel at home? Is it the physical location or is it something else?
I’m sure that many of us know our answer to that question without having to really think about it. What the hosts of that podcast suggested for an answer to the question of what is home was that home is not a place but a moment. When I heard that I jotted a note down and just sat there really letting that sink in.
Honestly, that is how I feel and have felt but to hear someone else say it was amazing. I needed to hear that to process more of what we, my whole family, are going through. And, it’s the truth, right? Our physical homes are certainly a place where you can feel relaxed, it is where you have your things, where you can be yourself with nobody watching. But as I think about the times that I feel “at home” it isn’t the physical home that I think of. It is the people and the memories that are wrapped up in that feeling. For me, it is the moment of playing pirates up at the top of trees, the rich taste of your favorite childhood ice cream, the feeling of your child’s hand reaching up to be held, or being held by the ones that you love.
What I have found is that home is the feeling of the people you love and love you.
My Mom
My Mom
How do write a post about one of the most important people in your life? How do you say goodbye to someone who has always been there? My mom, one of my best friends, left us suddenly on July 30, 2020, and every day since has just been a series of figuring out life without her. I miss her so much and just wish I could talk to her. I wish I could tell her all of the little things that have been going on and talk to her about all of the big things, as well. My mom has always been there and always available for me to call. I can’t believe that she is gone and now we only have memories.
It is the little traditions that I have come to count on, without even knowing it, that tug on my heart. Walking into Costco and not being able to call and see if she needs me to pick anything up. Or like tonight, the night before Myles’ birthday, wanting to call and recount the story of Bryce and I calling my family, who had just arrived in Minnesota, to tell them my water broke, seven weeks early, and that I was on my way to the hospital. I can hear my mom getting choked up and telling me how nervous she was. I remember her telling me how the whole house was up all night worrying about the three of us. And now I have to create a new tradition and hold those memories of our old tradition close to my heart.
I have spent a lot of time, over the last couple of weeks, thinking about what a wreck this year has been. 2020 has been a struggle for all of us. I don’t like this year at all but I have managed to find a silver lining to it. First I’ll explain that for the last eight or so years the kids and I have gone to visit my parents on Fridays and when both the kids were in school I went to visit on my own. Now back to 2020, like many families we have been home since March. We made the choice to stay away from everyone so that we could continue to see and help my parents. (We didn’t want them going to stores or out in public where they would be around the coronavirus.) Because of this, it made it where the kids and I were going up to see them more often than just our weekly visits. My silver lining to the quarantine is that my kids got to spend three months’ worth of Fridays with their Gramma that they wouldn’t have if this year hadn’t turned out the way that it did.
I love my mom and miss her so very much.
Peonies - A Poem By Mary Oliver
A poem about peonies.
I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, where they were talking about a poem that one of the podcasters loves about peonies. I loved the way that Mary Oliver describes the way that the peonies “bend their bright bodies and tip their fragrance to the air, and rise, their red stems holding.” These lines really spoke to me about the peonies. I can just imagine peonies out in a field, at sunset, with the light bouncing off of them and their soft fragrance gently in the air.
I have loved pink peonies for a long time, they are so decadent and the petals are so full, soft and beautiful! I had wanted to photograph a peony for so long, don’t ask me why I never did before because there was no real reason, and last year I finally picked some up! They were just as wonderful as I imagined and expected them to be!
Well, you know me, just having photographed them when they were living wasn’t enough for me! I saved those beautiful flowers, dried them, and put them away until I could photograph them for the series Growing Old. While we have all been home, in quarantine, I pulled out many of the dried peonies and photographed them. Plumage is the result of that photography session!
It makes me long for peonies this year and question if we will be seeing them in grocery stores when we venture out.
Enjoy this beautiful poem and, if you have time, tell me what your favorite part was as well.
Peonies by Mary Oliver
This morning the green fists of the peonies are getting ready
to break my heart
as the sun rises,
as the sun strokes them with his old, buttery fingers
and they open —
pools of lace,
white and pink —
and all day the black ants climb over them,
boring their deep and mysterious holes
into the curls,
craving the sweet sap,
taking it away
to their dark, underground cities —
and all day
under the shifty wind,
as in a dance to the great wedding,
the flowers bend their bright bodies,
and tip their fragrance to the air,
and rise,
their red stems holding
all that dampness and recklessness
gladly and lightly,
and there it is again —
beauty the brave, the exemplary,
blazing open.
Do you love this world?
Do you cherish your humble and silky life?
Do you adore the green grass, with its terror beneath?
Do you also hurry, half-dressed and barefoot, into the garden,
and softly,
and exclaiming of their dearness,
fill your arms with the white and pink flowers,
with their honeyed heaviness, their lush trembling,
their eagerness
to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are
nothing, forever?
from New And Selected Poems by Mary Oliver
© Mary Oliver
In Quarantine
What is getting me through quarantine?
Throughout this quarantine time, I have found that there are things that I need, lots and lots of coffee (like is it noon yet so I can have my afternoon coffee?), and there are things that I don’t need as much as I once thought, like going to the store just to get out. While I miss the freedom of just being out and doing my own thing I am finding joy hanging out in the backyard by myself and having a little bit of just me time.
I have come to believe that there are never enough flowers and plants in my life. As Arizona was starting the official quarantine I realized that many of my flowering plants weren’t actually flowering, and how during a time like this, where we would all be staying home together, that I would probably need a bit of a mental break and would really want flowers to photograph. Thankfully, the weather is still nice and there are many wildflowers that just popped up (my dad always calls those volunteers) in my backyard. In the evening I have been going out to photograph them in the beautiful golden hour sunlight.
This is what is getting me through this quarantine, flowers in the evening! What is getting you through this time at home? Are you leaning on previous skills and hobbies or are you learning something new?
Life With An Iris
A story of my life with an iris.
Edge of Night/Intimate Abstractions
An abstract photograph of an iris.
Let me tell you about my experience with one of the most frustrating flowers I ever photographed and why, in the end, these are now some of my favorite images.
The iris was one of the flowers I always found to be the hardest to capture an abstraction of was an iris. I swear, I was mesmerized by the iris because I kept buying them over and over, thinking this time I will get it, I know that this will be the time. And each and every time I bought them I was disappointed again and again. It felt the flower just wasn’t ready to share its secrets with me. I found it so frustrating but still, for some reason, I continued picking them up now and then.
Finally, near the end of my time at graduate school, I picked up yet another bunch of beautiful purple irises. Honestly, after buying the same type of flower for around two years and it not working I am not sure why I kept buying them. I guess I saw it as a challenge and I wasn't going to let it beat me! Well, this time I was thrilled with the results that I got from that session! I remember that awesome feeling of accomplishment and how overjoyed I was to have finally captured that image!
These are now some of my favorite images because of how hard I worked to get them. It taught me to keep trying and to not give up when things were hard or not working at all.
I have a confession though, I haven't picked up another iris since then and as I write this I now feel guilty...maybe the iris has even more planned for me to photograph. I guess I need to take a look at them again soon on a flower shopping trip!!
Random Facts About Me
Forty random facts about me on my 40th birthday!
As we all know, things have been weird this month. Because of all of the changes going on in the world, there are many changes going on around here as well. My kids’ school, and the rest of the schools in Arizona, have closed down at least until March 29.
So two mornings ago I woke up a mom and a photographer. Yesterday morning I woke up to a new job of being a home-schooling mama, as well as mom, and photographer. The kids started the day off with begging for a school schedule and ready to learn. And then we come to this morning, my birthday, I woke up officially 40 years old.
There is so much seriousness going on all around us right now that I wanted to share as many random facts with you as how many times as I have been around the sun.
So here we go...get ready to dive into all the random goodness of me and my life! (Finding 40 things about myself was a lot harder than I thought it would be!)
I am a fine art photographer
Wife of a wonderful husband for 11 years and counting
Mama of two awesome kids
Big fan of the Harry Potter books
I love to garden
My favorite movie is Princess Bride (The first day we saw this movie, on VHS, we watched it two times)
I enjoy adding fun color to my hair and pink is by far my favorite
My birthday is on St Patrick’s day
I went to Arizona State University for my BFA and studied photography
My favorite succulent is an echeveria
I have lived in four different states, Minnesota, California, Arizona and Colorado
I love the beach
My favorite way to treat myself is with coffee or ice cream
I love books
I have two sisters
My favorite tv show is Friends
I love to hike and camp
I had surgery on both sides of my jaw for TMJ
I went to the Academy of Art for my MFA and studied photography
Saturdays are for playing board games
My favorite colors are pink, green and purple
I photograph with a Canon 5D Mark ii
Fridays are spent hanging out with my parents
I’m a vegetarian and have been my whole life
We have two cats, one is 16 and the other is 12
I am a night owl and drag myself out of bed in the morning
As a kid, I wanted to be a vet
I love cool and cloudy weather
I don’t like to be in cold water
I love ice-cold water to drink
My favorite pajamas have cameras all over them
When I was a kid we would often stop at Thrifty’s to get ice cream
I hate to be late or be the last one to arrive
Daisies were my favorite flower growing up and now I can’t pick a favorite
I love to cuddle with my kids
I love bonfires in the backyard
My favorite holiday is Christmas because I get to see my kids happy faces
We have two dogs, one is 3 and the other 5
I love going to the gym and taking classes
Finally, I am super spoiled because my husband does the majority of the cooking, and I love it
Aurora Borealis
Aurora Borealis/Intimate Abstractions
An abstract photograph of a hydrangea.
Aurora Borealis is one of those images that invokes childhood memories in me. There are only a handful of times that I have seen the aurora borealis, or northern lights, and each time I have fun memories of those experiences.
The first time I saw the northern lights I was about nine years old in Minnesota, visiting my grandma with my family. One night, it had to have been about two or three o’clock in the morning, my sisters woke me up to show me the beautiful blue-green lights dancing across the night sky. My family stood out on the dewy lawn gazing into the fiery night sky.
The next time we saw them in Minnesota we were driving back to our cabin when the sky came alive. Now, this might be more common for people from the northern states, but at the time we lived in California and were just in Minnesota for the summer, so we pulled our car over and stood on the side of the road watching these beautiful colored lights dancing everywhere. When I look at this image I re-imagine all of those experiences and hope that I will be able to share something like this with my kids one summer.
An Introduction to Intimate Abstractions
An introduction to Intimate Abstractions
Fires of Prometheus/Intimate Abstractions
An abstract photograph of a tulip.
Intimate Abstractions is where flower photography all started for me. I started this series when Bryce and I were in graduate school, and Intimate Abstractions was my thesis.
I chose to photograph flowers to express my feelings of separation from nature, photographing flowers was a way to overcome that feeling. When I started photographing flowers, I did so to escape the city and the claustrophobia I felt with buildings towering above me. I would walk through San Francisco, where we went to school, and see the streets lined with potted flowers, parks built in the shadow of skyscrapers, and trees growing in cement containers on the 35th floor of buildings - all this so that people could be in the city and still feel as if they were, in some way, connected to nature. Living in a big city, and being right downtown, I was deeply missing my connection with nature.
Intimate Abstractions is a series of images that explore the inner beauty of flowers. Each photograph reveals provocative and hidden forms, buried deep within the flower. The images show a diverse mixture of color and texture within the forms. Using a shallow depth of field, the eye is led into and around the images. This series invites you to explore flowers up close and in a unique way. These abstractions invoke feelings and images that you can find within our world and beyond. This portrayal of our universe lies within the flower, waiting to be discovered. Through creating these abstract photographs I was expressing my feelings of separation from nature, my isolation in the concrete maze of reality.
Taking the time to closely view the intricate details, such as the twist of the petals and their rich colors drew me into their alluring depths. This everyday object has had a profound impact on my life which gives me peace of mind and relaxes my soul.
